You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
