The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
