I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
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All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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