the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
