This is not my ceiling
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
