I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
the liver wants what the liver wants
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
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