I cut my penus on the lid.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Randomize
