I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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