would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
