boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
