12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
