I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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