Have you finally orgasmed yet?
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
