I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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