i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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