there's paper in my vomit.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
