I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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