Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
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He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
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Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
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