Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
