The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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