Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
it's great music for shaving your balls
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
