I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
