Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
i now understand why vodka
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
