Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
