Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
