I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
