ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
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he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
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My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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