her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
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You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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