Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
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