I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
