No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
