i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
