She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
