I wannas sexs uuuuu
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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