Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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