They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
