today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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