Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Randomize
