i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Help. Why am I so naked?
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