3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize