a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
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We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
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I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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