Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
