worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
