He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
