There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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