I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
