Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
