I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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