So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize