Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
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