have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
