I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
