I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
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