Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
