so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
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