well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
they're like a gay fantastic four
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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