I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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