he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
