have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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