I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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