just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
