The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
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Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
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oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
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