tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
