I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
He did a backflip because drugs
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