I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
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He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
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It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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