I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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