Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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