At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
