Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
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I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
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Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.