It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I AM VODKA MAN
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
