your thong is hanging out like whoa
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?