I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.