I skipped work to stalk him.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Randomize
