Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(352): View more from Florida

Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.

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(352): Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance. http://tfl.nu/csuc

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(951): View more from California

My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?

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(951): My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate? http://tfl.nu/77q7

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(650): View more from California

on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.

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(650): on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag. http://tfl.nu/s17l

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"

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(508): You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper" http://tfl.nu/17it

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(406): View more from Montana

she pinky promised me she was 18

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(406): she pinky promised me she was 18 http://tfl.nu/cbo2

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(217): View more from Illinois

I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition

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(217): I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition http://tfl.nu/xug9

Replies (0) Good night (1269) Bad night (717)
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(714): View more from California

Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.

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(714): Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious. http://tfl.nu/8gkr

Replies (5) Good night (1991) Bad night (587)
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(630): View more from Illinois

When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"

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(630): When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!" http://tfl.nu/oaz1

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(512): View more from Texas

I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.

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(512): I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good. http://tfl.nu/1b0u

Replies (2) Good night (1040) Bad night (555)
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(509): View more from Washington

Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.

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(509): Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs. http://tfl.nu/0hn1

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.

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(202): Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out. http://tfl.nu/48b9

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(509): View more from Washington

Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen

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(509): Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen http://tfl.nu/7gtm

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(319): View more from Iowa

One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"

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(319): One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat" http://tfl.nu/szqu

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(478): View more from Georgia

You cant use biscuit as a chaser

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(478): You cant use biscuit as a chaser http://tfl.nu/ones

Replies (2) Good night (302) Bad night (161)
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(402): View more from Nebraska

I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.

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(402): I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it. http://tfl.nu/iuy2

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