It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.