Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
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so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
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I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.