Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(720): View more from Colorado

Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong

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(306): View more from Saskatchewan

When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.

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(267): View more from Pennsylvania

She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.

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(773): View more from Illinois

he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.

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21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
Read it at the TFLN blog
(760): View more from California

I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.

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(732): View more from New Jersey

please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...

(1-732): View more from New Jersey

...i wondered where i left that...

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(914): View more from New York

I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.

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(703): View more from Virginia

Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records

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(315): View more from New York

He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.

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