i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner