When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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